Final Boarding Call: Humor for All Airline Travelers

Flying on an airplane can be one of the most fascinating and exciting things you do in your life--but it can also be your worst nightmare.  There is nothing that can turn your relaxing flight into high stress quicker than turbulence, a screaming child or stale peanuts given by not so customer friendly flight attendants. Despite these rare setbacks at the end of the day air travel is still America's favorite means of transportation. Here is some flying humor sure to keep even the most seasoned flyers in high spirits.

Airline Announcements:

1. United Flight Attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"

2. On landing, the FLIGHT ATTENDANT said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."


3. "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways to get out of this airplane."

4. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella, WHOA!"

5. Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangroo bounces us to the terminal."

6. "Your seat cushions can be used for floation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."

7. "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses...expect for that gentleman over there."

8. Heard on a Southwest Airline flight - "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you can light'em you can smoke'em.

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